So keeping a diary in one of the most voyeuristic mediums known to humans? What's this say about anyone?

It seems to be a frantic gesture to be connected to so many people at once, to have a heart-to-heart with anyone that you can. I love those conversations, when you end up debating with at least 3 different social crowds at some diner at 2am. But I'm not going to know if anyone at all checks this thing out. So why write? I guess the questions are futile, since there's not too many answers.

Today I'm leaving for work with strange thoughts of mortality that sit in my mind like odd-angled blocks of space, pressing on parts of my memory and leaving other parts alone. I have a fresh breakup, ambition that keeps flicking like a flintwheel but never lighting, and the tight tension of my future staring me down. All I want is to be happy, but there's so many

well, I don't want to say "options". Just avenues. I want to careen down some and ignore others, but it's all a pretty big influx of choices to make. I'm indecisive.

last night the room had swayed like a ship's unstable deck wet with the sweat of slaves and sweet sacharine stick of saltwater. so i called her and we exchanged various implications or invitations? inbetween what i should not call filler out of respect

but then i leave myself with my own self who i can't seem to take anywhere without him talking about her, and her image floats like the water-streaked window in front of my eyes like a severed REM dream, midsleep groogy and spread too thin, cracked slightly damaged or worn out, time for a new soul for these feet, it seems.

---

Upon the rails

Amoung the weeds.

I had a moment

serenity.

I saw you stand

in all the green.

upon the rusting rail

balancing.

You were

the only answer.

my plans

spun all around you.

Five years in the wrong, I am assured.

My name to you is just another word.

Another word.

-M. Doughty, "The Only Answer".

I love Soul Coughing. God bless 'em. Saw M. Doughty a while back, which was nice, and what I thought glossed over my old pain, but it just shined it, made it more slick to slide more easily around me like the fluids in a gyrating martini glass.

semicircle axis semicircle axis

wobble.

Let's end this, right?