There's no release in this.

I miss my beautiful friend.

-Jeff Buckley, from one of his most wonderful songs, "Morning Theft".

Today I was sitting in traffic and saw a lady coming up behind me at an unusually fast speed. As she advanced in my rear-view mirror, I did...

heh, nothing, really. I sat there and got rear-ended. She just plowed into me, hard. And yet, my trusty Honda, who had asked for none of this, stood her ground and left the scene with nary a bent fender.

After she hit me, I got out of the car, and we agreed to pull into a nearby parking lot to sort matters out. When we got there, she said "So do we need to work this out? Here. Work it out against THIS." Summoning what was surly only a small portion of her ungodly powers, several nightmarish creatures of the undead stumbled towards me, growling and drooling obscenely. I wished for a shotgun, a fork, anything. Unfortunetely, I had only one skill available for my defense:

Kung-Fu.

Taking my moves directly from the classic Nintendo game of the same name, I proceded to strike a fighting stance, giddily holding back from screaming "GET BACK, YOU TWO-LEGGED FREAKS!" I soon realized, however, that taking my skills from an 8-bit Nintendo game from 1985 merited me three moves: a punch, a kick, and a staggeringly cumbersome jump-kick. This would be trouble. Trouble, except that I also HAPPENED to be wearing my ultra-rad red leather jacket. Instead of dispensing Eastern Fists of Fury on the zombies, I started dancing. Soon they followed, Michael Jackson showed up, and I was only 25 minutes late to work!

The last few paragraphs were not true. The car wreck is, though, although I'm OK except for my post-whiplash neck and bruised knuckles (because I actually DID have to engage zombies in hand-to-hand MORTAL KOMBAT). Do we need to talk about who the victor was? Who's typing here? God. You people.

Also, there's a girl named Laura that I was chatting with tonight. Scathingly, she attacked me for not mentioning her in my journal. OK. Fine:

Laura is one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out. When it's not her animated expressions during conversations or extremely friendly attitude, it might be her charming smile or lovely face that makes me want to talk to her all day. Laura is currently seeing my best friend Justin, and not a day goes by that I don't dream of going to Justin's house at night and setting him on fire while he sleeps, so that I can Laura all to myself. If she likes good looks, she won't like Justin anymore because he'll be charred and gross. If she likes his personality, I'll just make sure he burns even MORE so that he doesn't have much of a personality at all, since social skills aren't a dead person's qualities. I guess I should apologize for my dog at this point, who was cremated.

Anyway, Justin, I like you a lot. Laura, I love you. We went night-swimming and even though I virtually impaled myself on the neighborhood fence just to show you a fun time, I think it was all worth it. I'll think that to a substantially larger amount if these cuts even heal, but in the meantime, she makes work worth being at. I'd work there even if they didn't pay me at all - as long as Laura was there at the end of the day with a hug and a large wad of bills, I'd be content to work for nothing at all but her company.

But since I get both, that's why I'll be happy to work a double shift tomorrow. Awwwww.

It's my birthday in a week.

Jared