When all the world has lain and sank / and money sleeps inside the bank / well I'll drift there to meet you lazybones.
Cameraman sways to remember how the eye dances..." -Soul Coughing, "Lazybones"
This song reminds me of my freshman year of college. I'd listen to this relatively new glut of Soul Coughing and such, go to classes, meet friends, and watch the clouds swallow the tops of the mountains that surrounded me. Sometimes snow would come and it seemed like the campus would retreat. To say Fort Lewis was small was an understatement. I remember that I was coming back from a swim at the indoor swimming pool, with that active chlorine sort of smell still in my skin, and it was winter by full definition. The snow had sunk into every nook, and still fell. I paused near my dorm, which was at the "end" of campus. There wasn't a sound, wasn't a person. I stood in a field of snow and watched the world fall around me in spots of white. It was so quiet that I could almost hear the impact of each snowflake. I stood, warm in my clothes, before going inside. That year was, in fact, one of the best times of my life. I remember that my roommate across the hall (Conan, roommates with my famous insane friend Benedict) liked Soul Coughing and one night we were gloriously drunk and yelled along to each song on this album. Just awesome.
I remember coming to my dorm at an odd part of the day because I had skipped the common hours of dinner, as I had to come back and study a little. I stood in the hall as the setting sun burned a hole in the window at the end of the hall and threw shadows from the frame. I had never seen my dorm in that light before, and not in the metaphorical sense (well, both, I suppose). Again, I stood for a bit. No one was there, it seemed.
Betwixt all of this, there was the background love of Rebecca that lived in the air, slept in my sheets, and looked back at me in the mirror. She was like a ghost but I could touch her, but only at times. She came to visit twice, as well as the assorted breaks we had where we could visit. Nothing like love in condensed bursts, so strong and pure. I remember one night where a friend of mine shut her door and said she wanted to sleep with me. The first thing that I thought of was Rebecca. I said no and left, and we were fine after that as friends. I've never had an easier time saying no - I've never had an easier time at being loyal. It was so simple - "No. I love her." Sweet simplicity.
Not to say that it's ever been a problem being loyal. At this point, I'm back in the relationship game and it's wonderful. To curl up with someone is so tragically underrated and terrific. It's been a while, too.
I've been with people who are right for me and people who aren't, and I think that I've hit the mark again. We can only hope. Thanks, by the way, to you, Erin. We were lying on her bed thinking of you and realizing that you were a big part of why this happened. PS: SHHH. Don't tell anyone.
With that, I'll be off. Tomorrow is another open mic night and it promises to be really good. I'll scan photos from the past few. Be well, friends. Everyone who reads this has had some level of impact on my life. Unless, of course, you're randomly reading this from diaryland.com. In that case: hello.
g'nite,
Jared