Colorado has taken some sort of protest against being warm, which is fine since it's basically December, and it chills the bones. The rest of me too, but the skeleton under my bed is absolutely freezing.

I've been working my rump off, mainly because I've got a nice piece of car insurance to pay for. I've been paying in 6-month increments, which I'm beginning to regret due to the relative tranquilness and peace that accompany the 5.9 months of bliss before the bill comes in the mail like a banshee frothing at the mouth and clawing at my wallet. I'll pay your dirty car insurance, All State. I'll do it and I'll do it with integrity and a deep sense of shame for every time someone's rear-ended my car or the few times that I've vualted it off of ramps in efforts to escape police/rival gangs/rival police officer gangs/jellyfish. I'm OK for now, but the last thing you expect is a jellyfish to tap on your windshield with a wavy tentacle on land. This is why I'm moving soon. The jellyfish problem doesn't get press, but really, the Colorado Tourism Association would probably wet itself if this little bit of poisonous information was leaked.

Moral: Don't come to Colorado, where the jellyfish have mutated into land-roving death traps. "Oh, waaah" you say. "State X is too cold/too hot/full of rival gangs" but be thankful that you don't have freakish entities latching onto your legs every time you go outside, like a horny puppy. A horny puppy with deadly tentacles.

Speaking of puppies, my metrosexual bar-hopping dog has settled for the slightly humiliating wardrobe accessory of a santa hat for Christmas. The theory is that he doesn't care because he already has a regular collar and an electric-fence collar. For all I know, we're getting him one step closer to the neck-accessory status of Mr. T. Who woulnd't want that? I pity the fool.

Now that the retail machine has started full-swing into the Christmas Spirit, raining down valuable sales and specials that cover you until you cannot breathe, think it's time to reflect upon things that mean a lot to you, like low car insurance or Jellyfish Mace (tm). In my case, it's friends like you. Merry Christmas, which you can tolerate now but will hate in 2 weeks when you hear the American Idol Reject All-Stars bleating out another rehash of a christmas carol. Please try to keep your attitude as close to this Asian Celebration as possible.

Be well.
Jared