I love to noodle around with music, but as of today I'm trenched in the idea that I'll always be a noodler and nothing else. For god's sake, I don't even know how to play guitar.
When I try to write lyrics, my poetic vibe just slides off me and I'm left with the sort of mush that any 2nd grader maxed out on Ritalin could write. I try to make other patterns, beats, etc, and for four and a half hours tonight I just wasted my fucking time. And recording vocals - forget it. I have also realized that I can't sing, and to try to shove that into a "song" of mine that features sub-par guitar playing or overly-fake background instruments is something like Bad going to Worse. And yet what is most frustrating is that I love music. ARRR.
It's like loving a girl who doesn't even like you at all. My goddamn love affair with music is an unrequited crush, and she's too busy laughing at my last name to even speak.
It's not a high self-esteem day on the charts, basically. Rrrrg.
FUCK. There, I said it. I wanted to, too.
Jared
PS: and my goddamned state is on fire, too.