Physics is starting to become pretty rough. I have that ugly, heavy weight of not feeling intelligent which I only got once in Italy (thanks, Italian + History), and many times in high school. It's frustration with not being able to do these mathematic problems. Today in class I found out that our homework was due today when I thought it had been postponed. I had to ignore the entire period so I could do my homework in class. After my aesthetics class, I'm running off to get a haircut, and then I'll most likely go back to the physics department so that I can get some much-needed help. I'm scared, actually - there is a strange weight on this whole moment, because I HAVE to pass this rather difficult class in order to graduate. It's stressful and, arrr, I just hate feeling like this.

In the meantime, I'm listening to a stellar mix CD given to me by my cohort Cat. I'm privately wrestling with myself over being friends with someone named after an animal that I'd like to eat for dinner, but I'll cope with it and move on, most likely by using "I feel" statements and such. Cat, I don't have your e-mail address, but thank you for this in advance. I severely dig it.

After coming out of the physics building, I smelled perfume that somehow reminded me of several different friends at once, and so now I have this skewed balance happening - I have either me against school and becoming very stressed over grades, or solace in the fact that I know people who care about me and am fortunate enough to have them in my life. It seems to be the same dynamic that operates with me going to Italy on a whim with fingers crossed, or trying to get a job outside of college - the dream vs. practicality, which I think a lot of us wrestle with. I feel bad for people whom that conflict never registers with, though. Wouldn't it be easier to just roam through life by the book, and do what you're supposed to and never question? It's the recognition of what else is possible via risk that can make some of us just nuts with desire. At some times, though, more than others, I wish that my intentions were more simple. But, eh, considering that I'm a senior in college with a whole heap of transitions happening, I doubt things will be terribly simple for a while.

More importantly, last night I dreamt that my brother and I had a FLYING PIANO.

Now Playing: "Skeleton On Parade" by Now It's Overhead, one of the most lovely songs that I've heard in recent memory.

I can't help but feel like I'm swinging around inside a cliche at the moment. This entry seems to resonate something like "dude, break freeee" and that's not quite what I'm saying. But I'm sort of mentally cluttered with mathematics and crushes, which is a combination that doesn't really sit very comfortably. The angles are all wrong and they're natural enemies, caged in a single place at once. I need a phone call or a tutor or a letter or someone else in my bed - it's a statistical fact that spooning can relieve war tension, poor PHYS 1000 performances, and loneliness, as well as provide rad body heat which cuts down on heating costs. For now, it's class time, ladies and gentlemen.

I wonder how many people are reading at this point, actually. I'm almost at 100 entries. Let's seeee... from memory, I'd say I have, oh, hell, I have no idea.

"Fashion... the guilty and the guilty and the guilty and the teen. Not throwing stones at you anymore." -Glassjaw, "Tip Your Bartender".

I need something to be upset at besides physics, which is my fault. OK, here:

Fuck you, Hitler!

Jeah!

Jared