While the name "Jared" is good and all, I've decided that if I want to have a little more authority in life, I should probably have a more commanding name. Something very solid like "Duke" or "Johnny Steel". In a theoretical position of addressing a board meeting, for instance, I'd like to introduce myself and have the fellow people look at each other and think "Woah. This guy is the REAL DEAL." Picture this:

Them: "Hi, my name is Randy Eagleton, and I'm head of accounting. I'll be working with you on the McNally account."

Myself: "Great! I look forward to working with you. I am Shub-Niggurath C'thon, the Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young."

That's the damn fast track to success. A Lovecraftian-style name demands respect and terror.

Also, Mr. Kriq, yes, this is all influenced by the H. P. Lovecraft book you gave me, which is great. I had always heard of him but never read any, and it's very excellent. Hail, C'thulu!

It's 2:45 and my coffee is currently making my nerves vibrate, so I'm going to go to the gym. If I don't, I fear I may either burst into flame or vibrate so quickly that my atoms fall apart like a losing Jenga move.

Zoom, zip.

Jared