you lost yourself somewhere in the dim flicker of black and white

sporatic freckling a hissing vision that flits and flirts and dances inside your vision.

oh, but I want the airwaves back

instead you wrap yourself in the blanket of feedback

in the sonic swarm you bury yourself

under layers of sound

between the treble clef and metronome

I wish I could have you repeating

I wish you were a concert for me unfolding swanlike in beauty

what frequency

is this

that spins faintly on the radio dial

the sunlight pooled on the windowsill and eventually slunk into my room along the wall

gathering first in the corners of my room until nestling up next to me invading bedsheets

sleep slipped off like silk and instead I stood submerged in the same dumb bloodred affection that made a haze of my days and in dreams in the night, that's where we found each other.

instead in reality the clumsy cumbersome limb limp progression that creates awkward footsteps or words that jut up against each other in a mob mentality to be

so the rain strips layers away from the roof and sends sieves of water rolling down to the courtyard, and people come and go and stand and talk and sleep and

and did you know I left the room when you were speaking to your family on the phone because my urge pushed glacierlike to want to be for a moment

part of that

isn't that funny

and then a fumble and grab and gesture and a snatch at thin air, a cascade of error and the spent shells of misfired intentions, and now the simple stinging saline scenario of water through fingers, and I cannot hold you but just watch as gravity or other inevitables takes you from me, looking like the rain into the courtyard as your affection pools elsewhere, me just talking to the rain, just talking to my hands, begging-saying wait

wait

they don't love you like I love you.