That's right. I've decided to run for President of the United States of America.

You may be saying "But Jared! You have absolutely no political experience!" No, I do not. But what I do have is a vision. A vision for a new America.

You may also be saying "But Jared! You have to be 35 to run for president, and... and you're only 23!". That's correct. However, once I am elected president I will change said law so that, in fact, anyone over the age of 18 may run.

I will start my touring across the states sometime this week, as I spent a little bit of my campaign money on dinner and am now working with around 10 dollars. My beautiful wife Kate will accompany me, although she may not be aware that she is coming along or, for that matter, that we are married.

Once elected, besides having a designated "Nerf room" put into the White House, I will break up the continents into 95 pieces because, hey, who doesn't like islands?! All of a sudden, there's great vacation spots ALL OVER THE WORLD, and everybody wins! That'll help our economy, plus allow Colorado to finally be the beautiful island that it has yearned to be.

Although my primary transportation will be a golden chariot driven by unicorns and doves, I will also learn how to fly especially for the american people. If it IS as simple as throwing yourself at the ground and missing, then I am well on my way.

You may also be asking "What of Iraq?". What OF Iraq, friends? Besides not being entirely sure if it's located above or below Kentucky, I have an exciting new vision for Iraq's budding democracy. I can't give all the details away, but it DOES involve installing six or seven rollercoasters and having the words "FUN" and "TASTIC" in the new country's title.

I have decided to include my dog in the office, and several other cabinet members have been chosen. Justin will NOT be my vice-president, but instead my PR manager so he can be stressed out constantly.

We're going to the white house! Jared, 20004!@#@$$