I've got a few options presented before me here and I'm really excited! At first, I found myself to be pessimistic regarding all of my hand misfortunes. After all, I need 'em. How could I update my precious readers, barring the hilarioua option of having Justin type it up as I dictate it to him? After shuttling that idea out of my head (since I wouldn't be able to pay him, and he's got a job anyway), I've found a few ideas that just might make me a winner out of this whole travesty:

Option 1:

Two very good hands for sale! (Body not included.)

Need to lend a hand? Feel as though more applause is suitable for an occasion but find yourself inadaquate to provide any more? Simply looking for an attractive mantle piece or conversation-starter? SALE!

Shipping and handling included, nails pre-cut before delivery to insure buyer's handling safety.

Option Two: This exciting photo prop makes any picture better! Observe!

Before!

And an exciting after!

...WOW!!!

Option Three: My newly-emancipated hands have agreed to write their own book about what it was like to be attached to me for 23 years of my life. For you readers, here is a riviting sneak peek at a section from the first chapter!

Hands. Hands hands hands hands hands, hands hands hands hands hands hands hands. Hands hands hands Venezuela hands hands hands. Hands! Hands hands, hands? Hands hands."

This will be available to order from Random House in December 2005.

After looking at the exciting marketable oppertunities before me, I am forced to change my opinion: this is the best thing to ever happen to me. I know that I'll be OK.

"hand pun here",

Jared